Stay

I’m trying!

We have a pandemic puppy.  He’s the most securely attached pet we’ve ever had, because we were never away from him in his formative first year.  He’s a golden retriever to boot, a breed seemingly hard-wired to stick right by their human companions.  

Teaching him to “stay” was tricky, therefore, because his default mode was to stick right by our sides.  (“Heel” was not hard at all!) He learned eventually, but his eyes and body language clearly signal his true desire. He’ll shift from one hip to another, furrow his brow, lean ever-so-slowly forward, anticipating the release word. It’s endearing and very relatable.

This difficulty in “staying” is so familiar to me. As a meditation practitioner, I watch my mind every day squirming to wrest back control with the thinking-thinking-thinking that it believes must happen for life to be okay.

As a therapist, I often see how the best way through a difficult feeling is staying with it; how a client might begin in utter anguish and, by observing the feeling with compassionate curiosity, end the session feeling deep peace.

I also see how resistant we can be to this practice!

If I were to choose one “technique” to recommend (and to practice myself), it would be to stay with a feeling until it shifts. This is what makes the most significant difference for people — in their individual lives and in their relationships. Sit. Stay.

Like my pandemic pup, the mind has no idea why on earth one would want to do such a thing. I can smile at my baffled brain and ask it to stay anyway. The peace is its own reward; no treats required.